"No, no one is as crazy as you are. And by crazy, I mean oh so good."

He asked me out.

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 06:45:38 GMT

Just like the title says. No warning, nothing, just "Will you go out with me?" Apparently, he remembered the date that we set nearly a month ago, that date was today. So when I went over his house, I thought it was just going to be a normal Casey and Kyle hangout... just friends, and nothing more. So, as you can imagine, I was quite taken aback. I responded with the brilliant "Uh... I gotta go. Bye.", and then I left.

I feel awful, but I didn't know what else to do. I mean, Kyle and I had sort of a thing about a month ago... but that ended. I knew that he still liked me, but we agreed that we were going to be just friends, and nothing more. He is a great guy, and yeah, he's a sweetheart because he was there for me when I needed people the most. But, I honestly don't think that I see him like that. I mean, granted, I did sort of like him for a few months, but we both liked other people.... still do, and things just made it so complicated. I don't really want a "closed" relationship right now, obviously... otherwise I would be in a different situation, I can imagine. Obviously, this is all so sudden.

Yet again, some of my friends are suggesting that I "give it a shot" because something good might come out of it. And, I don't want to hurt him. Yes, he has been a huge ass lately, but he said it was just because he was frustrated that he still liked me... so he just decided to go with it and ask me out. I don't think I see him that way... I honestly don't. I think I'm going to say no, but I don't want to make him upset. Shit... any advice?

And to make things even BETTER, I was just informed that something untrue was spread around, and now people might be pissed at me. Fantastic.

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

Update - woo!

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 06:26:02 GMT

So, here's an update:

It turns out that my source was not credible, and the thing that I was slightly freaking out about in my last entry turned out to be just bullshit, as expected. I have decided that I am going to start trying to control my freakishly paranoid ways, because the same thing always happens: First, I take a situation and completely make it something that it's not - something bad that causes me to freak out. Then, I usually rant to my friends about it, and they tell me to shut up because I'm being ridiculous. After that, I still freak out but then I feel bad about freaking out because I am told that I shouldn't. Then, the situation gets better and I am usually proved wrong, at which point... it's rubbed in my face. *cough* CLABORN *cough* :P So, needless to say.. I'm going to try to control that stuff.

Andy (Anime Boston kid) called me and wanted to know if I wanted to get together sometime this week. He's cute and he's nice, but I don't really see a connection, and I'm not really into the whole "closed relationship" right now. I still have massive trust issues that I need to work out.

Kyle has been being an ass lately, and I'm sick of it. He seems to think that because he was there for me during my 4-month "dilemma", that he now has the right to walk all over me. He is trying to convince me that I have major commitment issues because I don't want to be HIS girlfriend right now. So finally, I lost it... I blew up at him and told him that just because I don't want a boyfriend right this fucking second, it doesn't mean that I have commitment issues. Once he stops being a jackass, maybe we can continue the friendship thing, but that's just unacceptable.

I think I have figured out what my tattoo is going to be.. now I just have to go through with it. Though, Kyle did tell me that he would stop speaking to me if I got one because he's Jewish. But, I figured, if he were really my friend and really cared about me (like he said), then he wouldn't do anything. So now it's just me mustering up the courage to do it... ho boy.

I still have not decided between Roberts and Riv yet. I know, I rock. It's just a difficult decision. They both have good and bad things about them.

If I go to Roberts:
~ I'll have a free apartment with one of my closest friends.
~ I'll be closer to my loves in NY and PA and won't have to spend tons of money just to visit them.
~ I'll be back home in NY where the Patriots fans don't spit at my feet!
~ I'll definitely be getting the "college" experience by being nearly 8 hours away from my parents.
~ Um, FREE apartment.

If I go to Riv:
~ I'll be closer to my loves in NH and Mass, and I'll be closer to my family, who I adore.
~ I'll be in the dorms I wanted to be in, and I'll actually get to know more people through my roomie.
~ I'll be getting more scholarship money than I would at Roberts.
~ I'll be going staying at the college that has the top Nursing program in the state, which is pretty cool.
~ I could still visit my puppy.
~ Mommy does laundry. :P

So it's such a TOUGH decision, but I have until the end of July to figure everything out... so hopefully, the decision will get easier as time progresses.

Other than that, everything is fab! Going to a party tomorrow, may mall it up with my sister, and then beach trip with peoples soon? AND everything is fixed, with everything off of my shoulders. So, at this moment (since I don't know what I'll be complaining about in the near future), life is good.

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

Graduation and Afterwards...

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 18:40:02 GMT

First and foremost, I must congratulate all the seniors that graduated last night.... especially one in particular :) It's a good feeling, hell, it's one of the best. But, some of you might actually miss high school once you head off to college, I know I do.

Now it's the +\- thing!

+ I saw Keith, Sarah and Ken yesterday and I haven't seen them in what seems like years.
++ After graduation, we went to visit Mark, then out for ice cream!!
+ Went to go visit Brandon after that...
- Someone stupid called me and made me angry, but that didn't last long.
+++ Spent some time with my boys for the first time in nearly forever!! I forgot how much I missed that.
--- Brandon's probably moving soon, and it's very depressing.
+ Hot tub!
++ Mark and I picked out a chick-flick, and we watched it, and it was just... glorious.
?? Massive man orgy on the futon, I'm not sure how I felt about that. :P
+ Funniest text message in the world! Thank you for that.
-- You are so confusing. Don't get mad at me, it's not MY fault that you feel that way.

Overall, absolutely amazing night! Buttt, must kidnap teh boys more often, especially before Brandon leaves.

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

Yummy...

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 06:25:46 GMT

The absolutely delicious man in my icon won the MTV Movie Award for "Best Performance", and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest won the MTV Movie Award for "Best Movie." This meant that Mr. Depp graced the stage with his presence twice! My sister literally had to come into the family room and yell at me to shut up because I was on the couch screaming my head off....

Hi, I'm Casey, and I have a slight obsession with Johnny Depp.

But, with all due respect for Johnny, I think that the men I crush on and can actually see in person, are hotter.
And Andrew is convinced that I have a crush on Trevor, it's amusing.

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

Is there anyone out there? Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 06:41:35 GMT

I love Maroon 5... so much.

Okay, here's an update. I went to the mall yesterday with people, yeah... it was exciting. We made a mandatory stop in Victoria's Secret, because I needed new underwear, of course. And, I bought the cutest fucking shirt at Urban Behavior for 5 BUCKS! I love sales.

But one of my close friends blew up at me, one that NEVER gets mad. And the worst part, he did it for no good reason... he even said it himself. I was just "there", but needless to say, I was pissed. He has been getting on my nerves lately, staring with giving a guy I just met permission to kiss me - he knew what was going on with Kyle! So, yeah, he's just been getting on my last nerve. I don't know what I am going to do. All the drama in that group of friends has just been driving me nuts lately - I don't know how much more I can take being caught in the middle, as a lot of my other friends are. I guess we'll see what happens.

Other than that, life's been peachy. Last night after the mall was alright, so I felt a little better... and then I spent some quality time with the sister, which is always a good time.

Now, regarding the Riv vs. Roberts situation... haha. I have been asking nearly every single one of my friends for an input on what I should do. Not surprisingly, the ones who are closer to NY say I should go to Roberts, and the ones who are closer to NH say I should stay at Riv. So, friends, leave opinions... please! :)

Okay, now back to talking to Mark, my "I feel disgusting and I need a hot, sweet guy to tell me I'm being silly" guy. What would I do without him? :P

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

So, yeah.....

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:09:05 GMT

I'm honestly not supposed to feel this way. I shouldn't anymore and the fact that I'm even the tiniest bit upset infuriates me to a point where I think I am going to lose my mind. I thought I had gotten over this, I mean... I DID get over this. So why do I feel like this?

I have no reason to. In fact, I love proving the fact that I was/am right over and over again, but yet.. somehow, knowing what's in store upsets me. I have to make time count. I have to do everything I can to take advantage of it, before I lose it completely.

To tell, or not to tell? On the ONE hand... I'd have the weight lifted off my shoulders and I would no longer feel guilty about keeping something from some of the people that I trust; yet, on the OTHER hand.... I fear that telling them would only make them angry with me, especially for keeping it a secret for so long, and I fear that others will find out... people that just, shouldn't.

How am I going to make a decision? To tell, or not to tell?

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

So...

Wed, 30 May 2007 18:34:06 GMT

Okay, update time. Um... let's see.
- Loving summer, and now that nearly everybody's home things are gonna be sweet!!
- We hired a new guy at Bee's, and he goes to Riv, so I met him before... but he's cool and really nice, I think he'll fit in with us crazies at Bee's!
- Arnold FUCKING Soko, coolest kid ever, invited me to this ball/party thinger, and I kind of want to go... but we have to bring a date. Yeah, complicated, no? I was debating asking someone, but I'm also a chicken, and I'm afraid it would be awkward... ~~yay.~~
- I'm scared that things will never be the same.
- Talked to someone about something yesterday, and it made me cry... which is weird and makes me even more upset because it happened nearly 3 months ago. I guess I haven't completely gotten over it, which makes me scared that I never will.
- I'm scared that this whole thing is just a waste of time.
- I'm stuck with a decision about schools... and it's seriously really difficult. Do I stay near my friends or do I go to a school that's nearly 8 hours away because they offered me more money? Decisions, decisions...
- Keeping this a secret from the ones that I care about that don't know has been torture... but I am scared to tell anyone else because I'm afraid they won't talk to me.
- If she takes him I think I am going to lose it.
- I have not yet been to the beach with my friends, and there is something very wrong with that.

Yeah, that's basically about it.

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

Creating chaos at Souhegan...

Thu, 24 May 2007 01:11:19 GMT

Yeah, I rarely write in this thing two days in row, but what the hell?

So, I had to get up relatively early which is never fun but it was worth it because I got to go see Rachael Claborn do amazing on her Senior Project presentation (just like we all knew she would). I picked up Mark and Andrew beforehand, and she was wicked nervous... but it was cute, and she did well. Congrats Claborn!

Not only that, but it was great to see teh boys! I haven't seen Mark in the longest time, and he was playing music in the car on the way to the school that was making me laugh so hard that I couldn't even breathe. And, he was being all sweet, as usual... I love Mark, my life would be incomplete without him. And of course, I love Andrew too. :)

One of the best parts of the day was that I actually got to see the other Casey for the first time in like, 8 months... which was amazing but insane. I had nearly forgotten how funny he was, and he was making me laugh the entire day talking about... basically everything. So, I had a sweet Mark, a silly Andrew, and a funny Casey to keep me entertained at Souhegan. Gotta love it!

AND Pirates comes out tomorrow!! I can't wait!! Yeah, that's it for now.

Much love. <3

So, here's an update...

Wed, 23 May 2007 02:07:10 GMT

I'll be a cool kid and do the whole pluses and minuses thing.

+ Love love my job to death, and most of the people who work there - and I get tipped out, and I'm a host, so I love it.
- Smith (random weird kid who kissed me a week ago) keeps leaving me messages on Facebook and shit even though he knows I don't have any interest in him.
++++ LOVING summertimeeee!
+/- Things seem to be going well and could get even better, but because I'm me, I'm paranoid that I'm going to be disappointed again.
++ PIRATES COMES OUT IN 2 DAYS!!!
+ Claborn's senior project is tomorrow and I'm stealing Mark and Andrew and we're all going to go see it... and she's going to do amazing!
- Kyle and I fight because I don't trust him, and I actually think that he and I would be a lot better off as friends.
+ I got into Roberts Wesleyan! So, if I want to transfer, I actually can now... but still debating because it's far away.
- My feet are asleep and it's annoying.
++ Chelsea stopped being a doof and finally realized what would be the best choice for me.

So overall, not too bad... just a few little things I need to work out, and things that will hopefully work out as they seem to - yay paranoia!

Much love <3

Gotta love Applebee's!

Sat, 19 May 2007 19:48:40 GMT

Man, I love my job! :)

So, we had a meeting today at 8:30 in the morning, which was just gross, but it was rather entertaining. My friend Cassie was wicked trashed throughout the entire meeting, and at one point, she actually got up on a bar stool and started singing "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys. Sooo funny! I love the Bee's crew, they're all amazing.

So, so far the summer has gone pretty well. It is so nice to be able to sleep in and not have to get up at 6:30 in the morning... but, the crappy weather hasn't been enlightening. Regarding my confusion, well... it continues. Being the chicken that I am, I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do about everything - and every time I think about it, I just get more and more wrapped up. :P I guess I am just good like that.

People just need to acknowledge that I'm different....

Much love. <3

Internet is back!!

Sun, 13 May 2007 01:19:52 GMT

Soooo, I got my fucking internet back! Yay! I'm excited.
Because, I was seriously dying without AIM. Not being able to talk to my boys for nearly 3 days was torturous!
So, yay! Computer is back. Figured I'd let you guys know..

AND I went shopping yesterday with my mommy and bought lots of cute new clothes. And, when I went out with the gang last night, my friend AJ bought me Pirates of the Caribbean pajamas, with Johnny on them. I am ecstatic right now.

Oh, and on a side note - I LOVE SUMMER.

And, 2 weeks.

The end.

Much love. <3

Stolen Survey!

Wed, 09 May 2007 04:36:16 GMT

1. Does someone have a crush on you?:
Yes, he told me to my face.

2. Last thing you ate?:
Um... popcorn?

3. Do you have A.D.D.?:
I have ADHD!

4. Who was the last person you messaged over MySpace?:
I don't have a MySpace, never will

5. I can't wait until:
People come home!

6. What color shirt are you wearing?:
Dark yellow... I stole this shirt.

7. Who was your last text message on your cell from?:
Brian

8. Are you paranoid?:
YES. Those who know me well know that.

9. Favorite place to go on weekends?:
Mall, beach, friend's house... anywhere as long as I am having a good time and with my friends.

10. Do you like the person you are becoming?:
In some ways...

11. Are you tired?:
Not really.

12. Are your friends all changing?:
Not particularly... some are just leaving to go to school soon! :(

13. Is there an iPod near you?:
In my sister's room. I have an MP3 player.

14. Are your parents strict?:
HAHAHAHAHA... NO

15. What's the last movie you saw?:
Spider-Man 3 in theaters, Pretty Woman at home.

16. Are you a friendly person?:
I like to think so, if you're friendly to me.

17. Are you a good driver?:
Sometimes..?

18. What are you doing right now?:
Talking to Andrew and Casey and doing this survey.

19. Do you have any tattoos?
No, I'm too chickenshit to get one.

20. Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
Oh yeah...

21. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?:
Someone else.. my big bed is lonely by myself.

22. Do you consider yourself creative?:
At times...

23. What are you listening to right now?:
Disturbed

24. Done anything you regret so far this week/weekend?:
Not really...

25. The highlight of your week/weekend?:
PROM!!!! :D

26. Have you changed much this year?:
Yeah, a lot...

27. Do you dress for style or comfort?
I like cute clothes, but I won't wear them if they aren't comfortable. So, I'd say comfort.

28. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
SHANE!! Love you!!!

29. Are you shy around the opposite gender?:
Not really... depends on the guy.

30. Ever liked someone that you didn't think you stood a chance with?:
Yep, many times.

32. Do you want to change your name?:
My name doesn't really suit me, yet it is a part of me. I wouldn't change it for the world.

33. When was the last time you saw your father?:
Like 10 minutes ago...

34. Are you single?:
Tough question... Um, I don't have an official boyfriend. So I'll say... yes?

35. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back?:
Yeah...

36. Is there advertisement on the side of this page?:
Yes, and it's annoying.

37. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell?
Brian fucking Allenston!

38. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?:
Not really.

39. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past Three Days?
NONE

40. Small thing in life that pisses you off?:
When people slurp their drinks or chew with their mouth open... it just annoys me.

41. How is your hair currently styled?
Natural in a loose ponytail.

42. Do you have anger management problems?:
In some ways, but not really.

43. On a date, who should pay?:
Usually the guy, but it depends.

44. What's today's date?:
Uh.. the 9th?

45. How many people are on your contact list of your cell?:
Over 75

46. Would you ever date anyone on your friends list?
Yes.

47. Do you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call?:
Depends if I am expecting a call..

48. Do you get claustrophobic?:
Rarely, but it does happen.

49. Have you been out of the USA?:
Not yet - but heading for Paris soon??

50. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
Someone who is sweet, smart and caring that can make me laugh. Someone who likes to have fun but knows when to be serious. Someone who can understand my sense of humor and doesn't want to change much about me, and someone who is just a good person... cute helps. :P

51. Whats the fastest you have gone in a car?:
Over 115.

52. How many hearts have you broken?:
Two.

53. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?:
Those who know me well know the answer to that question.

54. Have you ever been rejected by a crush?:
Sophomore year of High School.

55. Have you ever said "I Love you" and not meant it?:
Once, when I was a freshman in a chat room... Hey! I was young and stupid.

56. What is your last thought before you go to bed?:
Depends on the day or how I am feeling.

57. Do you play any instruments?:
Clarinet.

58. What's the meanest thing you've ever done to someone?:
No comment.

59. Have you ever been on a diet?:
Yes.

60. How much alcohol did you have this week?:
None.

62. What cell phone service do you have?:
Verizon.

63. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?:
Oh yeah...

64. What is your screen name?:
I have several...

65. Who was the last person you talked to?:
Chelsea.

66. How was this weekend?:
AMAZING!

67. Do you like the beach?:
I LOVE it.

68. When was your last doctor's visit?:
A month ago?

70. Do you wish to have the same best friends when you're older?:
Yes... I love my friends!

Much love. <3

Prom!!

Sat, 05 May 2007 17:53:43 GMT

So I went to prom last night, and it was an absolute blast! It was much more fun than last year, since I didn't have my date latch onto me all night. But it was soo much! And, everyone looked so fucking cute! My date was a little shy and first, and wasn't very good with the whole grind-dancing thing, but overall, he was a funny and decent guy. He made things interesting.

I also bumped into my friend Keith, which was really funny, because that meant that Josh and I weren't the only ones who didn't really know too many people at the prom. So of course, I gave Keith a good, old fashioned grind dance... because it's Keith. I think I spent more time grind-dancing with Burger and Claborn than I did with my date, but it was all good... sooo much fun!

And then afterwards, we went back to the Hansen's house and played this verrrry interesting game called Apples to Apples, or something like that. I basically pwned all... because Meat cleavers are definitely curious!

And, Claborn is the bestest because she helped me with things and helped make me happy in more ways than one. So, THANK YOU HUN!! You're the bestest, and I'll stop doubting you when you stop doubting me, which will be never... haha. If only..

But overall, it was a blast! Thanks guys, you helped make that night so much fun. I hope everyone else had a good time!!

Much love <3

DONE!

Fri, 04 May 2007 07:19:28 GMT

Yep, that's it. My last final was at 8 o'clock this morning, and I am now done for the summer! It's just a relief to not have to be so stressed with school, at least that's one stress-causer that's out of the way for now! But I'm so happy just to be done, it's great! I get my grades pretty soon, so hopefully I did okay. *crosses fingers*

Me and the Amherst crowd went to go see SpiderMan 3 at midnight tonight, and it was amazing! Such a good movie. And, although the drama that's been going on did complicate things a little bit, we still had a blast getting there 2 hours early and then waiting an hour and a half before the movie started! :P

And prom is tomorrow. I honestly don't really know how I feel about it, but I am told it is going to be fun, so I'll go with that. Yay paranoia!

I guess we'll see.

Much love <3

Right about now...

Tue, 01 May 2007 02:34:29 GMT

Here's my life right now:

+ I got my new phone and I love it!
+ I'm done with classes, and I have 2 finals and that's it! Thursday is my last one!
- I'm paranoid about prom.
- Kyle and I had a mini-tiff of a fight, even though we're not together.
+ I spent time lying in the sun and now I look tanner.
- My feet are still killing me from those amazingly cute shoes
- Elaina's sick :(
-- I fell off the wagon.
- I fear that nothing's going to happen.
- Jr. will ~~not~~ stop trying to call me, he has yet to realize that I hate him.
+ I get money back for my books!
+ I gave my Mass Communication presentation today and got a standing ovation!
- Burger might be sick :(
+ Riv gave me more money
- I might be stuck in the Frosh dorm next semester... kill me now.
+ Prom is coming up soon - should be fun even though I'm paranoid.
+ My Boys CD is done!

(+) 8
(-) 10

Yeah... that's it for now.

Much love. <3

You're a little late, I'm already torn.

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 03:58:41 GMT

Yeah, the title is lyrics from a song, but it had the word 'torn' in it, so it fit. Because that's exactly what I am.

Those of you who know me well know what is going on, and it's a disaster. I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do regarding the situations that I am stuck in, and it's driving me cuckoo bananas.

Why can't people take 2 seconds to remove their heads from their sphincters and realize what is right for them? It would make the world such a better place.

Much love <3

Anime Boston.. yes, I went.

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 02:19:03 GMT

So in a way, I was dragged to Anime Boston from Thursday night to Sunday morning. But unfortunately, I have to say that I had fun... a lot more fun than I thought I would, to be honest. When we first got there, I was overwhelmed by all the people in their anime costumes to the point where I was screaming like a banshee over and over again... but it was rather amusing. My friend AJ and his friend Matt even got me a few cute little souvenirs... mainly Hiei ones, since I have just a small obsession. :)

The second day, I even got dressed up myself! AJ went as Kenshin and Matt went as InuYasha, so I decided to be original - I went as a Hentai maid. I had to 'Casey-alter" my costume so that it was more like me, but I got a lot of comments, so it was SO much fun!! I even got to pose with a guy dressed like Jack Sparrow. I had me a good time.

Then, on the last day, we went to this dance thingy. Before the dance, I met a guy named Andy... he played DDR backwards and I was impressed. So, we met up at the dance, and I ended up spending the entire dance with him... he was just so much fun! He even convinced me to dance in a breakdancing circle with everyone watching! I ~~never~~ do that! So even though I hated admitting that I liked anime, and even though I was basically dragged there - I had SO much fun! I'll probably end up going back next year!

Oh, and today at work was amazing... and I just have to say that Jenny Jones is the best cook ever and I adore
him for being so sweet. Oh, and Greg is a jackass, but I love him!

Much Love <3

I hate water, and by water... I mean floods.

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 04:05:14 GMT

So today was the second flood day, and it's ridiculous. It's the middle of April... first we get lots and lots of unwanted snow, and then we get lots and lots of unwanted rain, which created a massive flood. Wonderful. I actually had to miss my classes and my meeting yesterday because I wouldn't have been able to get to school. In a way though, it is kind of funny... haha. Only in Amherst... :)

But overall, today was a relatively good day, so I was happy. Yay happy! I mean, my ONE class today was canceled, I got free dinner at Bee's, I got tipped by the bartender (I'm a host and not supposed to get tips), my boss personally acknowledged my good work with a raise for that day, AND I found out that Colin can pay for my prom ticket and my corsage and we might get a fucking limo!

As my away message said, this day couldn't get any better unless.... :)

Much Love <3

A "Perfect" World...

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 23:05:09 GMT

So, I was cleaning through my room (God knows why) and I found this poem that I wrote during my Senior year for an English assignment. Strange thing is, I actually like what I wrote. So, I decided to post it...

A "Perfect" World:

Show me a world where there's tolerance
And where acceptance is not too far,
Where we don't hate people because they are different,
But we respect them for who they are.

Show me a world where there's unity,
Where we're woven together, as a quilt,
Where as a country, we join together as one,
And where there is NO room for hatred or guilt.

Show me a world without battles
Where there are conflicts that do not harm,
Where we are not afraid to voice our opinions,
And where disagreements do not cause alarm.

Show me a world without terrorism,
Without hostility, without aggression,
Where we don't have to worry about being attacked
Where we can eliminate our war obsession.

Show me a world with compassion,
Where we have consideration for others,
A world where we care about other people,
And can compromise, like a band of brothers.

Show me a world where there's safety,
Where we can have arguments and still survive,
Where we can have quarrels that don't lead to violence,
Where we don't have to fear for our lives.

Show me a world where there's freedom,
Where our true selves, we don't need to hide.
Where we are able to say what we want,
And don't have to keep our emotions bottled inside.

Show me a world where there's justice,
A world without selfishness, a world that is fair,
Where a person can be content with their life,
And where there are no broken lives to repair.

Show me a world where there's peace,
Where the urge to fight, we learn to resist,
But maybe we just can't get past our differences,
Maybe this "~~perfect~~" world will never exist.

So that's my poem that won me an A, woo-hoo. Figured I'd share. :P

Much love <3

I write in a LiveJournal, I must be emo. :)

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 23:52:30 GMT

So life has been better, kinda, but better is good. Here's my life at the moment in pluses and minuses:

( - ) So I'm stuck in school for an extra semester-year because I decided that I wanted to major in psych, but at least I'll have a decent education.
( + ) Kyle 'asked me out' finally, and although our relationship is ~~complicated~~... I'm happyish?
( + ) My last day of classes in April 30th, and I have 3 finals and then I am done until September!
( + ) I won't have any old, sick men pinching my ass for an entire year!
( - ) Certain stupids have not yet removed their heads from their asses and realized the blatantly obvious things that SHOULD be realized.
( - ) One of my best guy friends asked me out, except, I don't like him that way at all... and I don't know what to tell him.
( - ) One of my friend's boyfriend's has been trying to hit on me, and it's so awkward.
( - ) El stupido and his best friend have decided that NOW they want to be nice and get with me, and they keep calling me. They won't get the hint that I hate them.
( + ) I might get to see Breaking Benjamin in concert!
( + ) Apparently, I am going to prom... and it's going to be exciting?
( +/-) I get more hours at work, and I love my job... but I still hate working. But, it means more money... so I don't know which one that is.
( + ) I'm not dead yet. :P

So yeah, been pretty good... can't really complain. It about evens out.

Much Love <3

DreamStreet helps with sickness

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 03:04:52 GMT

So, I've been sick recently. Yeah, it sucks... thank God I'm on vacation or I'd be missing a shitload of school. But, I got bored, so I visited youtube, and I found an old DreamStreet video. Now, I'm obsessed with their old song. It's quite pathetic, but SO amazing, and now I'm listening to it constantly.

I'm feeling a lot better, and I credit it to DreamStreet, and House (especially Dr. Robert Chase), and Jamie... and walruses with buckets. :P

Much love.

A note to friends: DON'T drink and make out!

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 01:01:54 GMT

Yeah, so Christina and I took a trip down to Nova in Philly to visit Megs, and well, it was definitely an interesting trip to say the least. The first night was relatively sane, we spent the night at Megan's boyfriend Jeremy's house and hung out with his roommate and some friends. His roommate Rob is cute, definitely not hot, but not hideous.. and he was a nice guy. So, we hung out with him a lot (especially after Megan and Jeremy) passed out. We played kings, I got a little tipsy but not too bad. I was still able to walk.

Then, we went to heaven - one of the largest shopping malls in the world! Okay, so it wasn't actually called heaven, but it should have been, because it was. I spent 2 1/2 hours practically drooling over clothes, shoes, handbags and other things that I could not afford in this lifetime. Then we had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, and their cheesecake was almost better than sex.

However, Saturday night was where the shit really hit the fan. My martini weenie glass was a huge hit (pardon the pun). So, when we played kings, everyone kept trying to make me drink, because my glass was fucking amazing. Needless to say, I had 4 appletinis in a half an hour. I was WASTED. Then, we played a drunken game of spin the bottle - ~~bad~~ idea. I ended up completely making out with this Rob guy, this guy I barely knew. Needless to say, when I woke up, I couldn't remember anything.. but talk about embarrassment! I mean, he was nice and all.. but had I been sober, I probably would not have done that.

And to top things off, life in general right now has just not really been my friends, and it's kind of starting to bother me. Like, I have a problem, so I do what I can to make it better, than wait patiently... but NOTHING. In fact, things only get worse. I'm not trying to pull an emo Casey and be all "feel sorry for me because my life sucks", but I'm frustrated... Grrrr.....

Much love. <3

If life was easy, it would be called 'your mom'.

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 03:09:57 GMT

I'm stuck.

I guess that's the best way I can put it. I have two different sides to a possible problem that I have at the moment. There has been just a slight rumor that one of my friends had told me, basically saying that one of my other friends has been saying some stuff behind my back, and then leading me on to think otherwise. However, when I asked the friend that was accused of spreading rumors if it was true, he denied it, saying that he hadn't been lying to me and that everything he told me was the truth. Yet, the person who told me that my friend was spreading rumors about me has also been known to lie about things in the past. So, yeah, I guess you could say that I am stuck at the moment. I don't know what/who to believe - but I'm hoping no rumors have been spread. I can't have another one of my supposed "friends" stab me in the back, or lie to me, I might just ~~lose it.~~

Oh, and I was told by one of his friends that Kyle might ask me out. That's another new problem all on its own, because I have absolutely no idea what I would say/do if he did. Yep, I'm definitely stuck.

Does anybody have a time machine? :P

Much love.

Argh...

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 02:48:01 GMT

I guess I'll finally post an "how I'm feeling" entry.

So, things were definitely not going so well for a while. I was stressed out beyond belief, and dealing with so much... college was the least of my problems. I was scared, confused, heartbroken, lost, upset, angry - basically every emotion at the same time, and I was going absolutely bonkers. Friends were mad at me, there were lots of issues, and things were just falling apart..

A few days ago, however, things seemed like they were lighting up, going back to normal - not complicated, so that my life would be easier. But of course, that didn't last very long, and now I have no idea what I am going to do about it. It's been driving me absolutely insane that my life seems to be falling apart, and there is nothing that I can do to stop it or prevent it, without making things worse. I'm lost.

I wish that I could take the time to explain what's been going on, but that would take nearly forever, and it's way too much to type. It's just gotten to the point where I can't have problems just stacking up on top of me. It makes me feel like I'm not in ~~control~~ of my own life or happiness anymore. Like, I have been so emotional towards my friends, and in a bad mood lately, and I just can't seem to change it. Things will distract me for a bit, but then I'll suddenly be reminded of how much shit I have to face again when the distraction is no longer there.

I want my happiness back, and I want to be back in control of my life. Please stop the world, I want to get off.

Much love.

Ridiculously long survey.

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 05:22:14 GMT

HAVE YOU EVER!

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? Yep

2. Slept in a different bed? Yeah

3. Made out in a movie theatre? Yeah :P

4. Made out in the forest? In a car in the forest.

5. Thought your cousin was hot? When I was 5

7. Slept naked? Yeah

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? Yeah

9. Gone over the speed limit? Oh hell yes.

10. Painted your room? Yeppers

11. Drove a car? Absolutely

12. Danced in front of your mirror? Of course! Constantly! The mirror is my best audience.

13. Gotten a hicky? You mean a hickey? And yes.

15. Stole money from a friend? Not ever

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? Once

18. Snuck out of your house? Many times

19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yeah, I think almost everyone has.

20. Been arrested? Nope

21. Made out with a stranger? Well, he wasn't really a stranger...

22. Left your house with out telling your parents? Again, many times.

23. Had a crush on your neighbor? Does down the street count?

24. Ditched school to do something more fun? A few times

25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes, yay sleepovers!

26. Seen someone die? Not that I can recall

27. Been on a plane? Several times

28. Kissed a picture? Haha, once.

29. Slept in until 3? Yeah...

30. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes and yes - I miss several people! :(

----------------
What time is it?: 11:57 pm

Current
• outfit: Jeans, teal and white-striped tank, Cookie Monster sweatshirt
• hairstyle: Down and natural
• jewelry: Tony necklace, hoop and stub earrings, class ring, daddy's ring, flower ring, dangly ring, and Cherries belly ring
• underwear: Black thong
• nail color: Baby pink

Do you:
• cut yourself: Not nearly as much as I used to. Very rarely, if at all.
• lick yourself: Psh, constantly, doesn't everybody?
• whine a lot: I honestly try not to, I am working on it.
• yell a lot: Sometimes...
• have too many friends: Not possible.
• want to die: Not anymore.
• do drugs: Never
• wear dark colors: Depends
• dye your hair: I have, but I don't plan on doing that again for a while.

Have you ever:
• worn rainbow: Yeah
• talked on the phone for over 3 hours: Several times
• left the country: Only once... isn't that sad?
• had a party with over 30 people: Yep!
• stolen something: Not recently
• caught something on fire: Yeah...
• cheated on someone: Not really., no.
• wanted to cheat on someone: No, I don't really like cheating.
• asked someone out: No, but I've told guys that I liked them.

Last person:
• you touched: Hugged Claborn.
• you talked to: Megan
• you hugged: Claborn
• you instant messaged: Megan

Are you:
• understanding: Usually yeah, it depends on the situation.
• open-minded: I do try to be.
• arrogant: I can be, and I'm working on it.
• insecure: Yeah...
• interesting: Sure? You tell me.
• hungry: Not really.
• smart: Yes and no.
• moody: I can be at times...
• childish: Sometimes
• independent: For the most part
• hard working: Yes, usually.
• healthy: Yeah, pretty healthy.
• weird: Oh definitely!
• difficult: I can be at times, again... I'm working on it.
• attractive: Meh, not really.
• obsessed: What kind of obsessed? Obsessed with what?
• angry: Just a tad bit.
• sad: See above
• happy: Sometimes.
• trusting: I am not very trusting, it takes a lot for someone to earn my trust. And if they lose it, it takes a very long time for me to trust them again, if I do at all.
• reliable: I like to think so.
• self-disciplined: Needs improvement, but sometimes.
• sleepy: Almost always
• lonely: Not at the moment

Info about yourself:
• what is your birth name? Casey Kelly (I am not a fan of my middle name, so if you don't know it already, I won't say)
• what is your birth date? August 7, 1987
• shoe size?: 8-9
• brothers/sisters?: One younger sister, Chelsea
• what is your favorite band(s)?: Bon Jovi, Maroon 5, Breaking Benjamin, to name a few...
• soda: Cherry Coke or Dew
• music?: Almost everything except for most rap and country
• roller coaster?: I actually don't like most roller coasters... I'm a wuss.

In the last 48 hours:
• cried?: Yes, unfortunately.
• missed someone?: Several people, either those who are home and leaving soon, or those who aren't home yet.
• yelled at someone?: My sister
• changed your underwear?: Like 4 times, ew!
• drove somewhere? Yeah
• talked to someone on the phone?: Yes
• been online: Um... I am filling out this survey.
• kissed someone?: Kind of - ick.
• hugged someone?: Yep.
• last thing you ate? Cheesecake :)
• talked to someone about something important? Yeah, quite important.

Have you ever:
• been in love? Yes.
• broke something?: Probably.
• betrayed a friend?: Once.
• played strip poker?: Yes, but I might not for a while, since I am not the best poker player...
• skipped school? College - yes, High school - once.
• shot a gun?: Not yet.
• broke something important?: Not recently
• smoked a cig?: Yes - never again.
• dyed your hair?: Yes

Okay, last questions:
• Who is sitting next to you? My dog.
• favorite sport? Soccer, football, and a few others
• are you gay/lesbian/bi/straight?: Straight, though I am told that I should be bi-sexual...?
• been in a plane?: Many times
• killed someone?: Not that I can recall.
• kicked your cat for the hell of it?: I have never owned a cat, and probably never will.
• Are you bored of taking this survey?: Kind of.
• what time is it now? 12:21 pm - I got slightly distracted.

Hooray for boredom. Possibly bedtime now.

Much love. <3